Monday, October 5, 2009

Double Frick

So. I'm sitting in this class at school.

And I'm thinking.

And thinking.

Do you know what I'm thinking? Frick. NO. Double Frick (frick).

Why am I saying frick? Because things aren't going my way goddammit! To be frank, I just don't understand it.

What do people have to do to get positive results around this place? I mean, I admit I have faults, but who the hell doesn't? Are my faults keeping me from a good day? I have had the worst of luck this year. I'm starting to think that what I have to do to get good luck is going to have to be something horrific. Like, I'll have to sleep with Bill O'Reilly or something totally horrible like that.

Do you know what else I'm noticing? Other people around me a struggling too. Like, I have friends failing tests left and right, my mailman died just for helping the post office out on a busy day, and everyone is suffering from the Oinky-Illness.

I used to think that bad luck happend to people who did bad things. Like, for example, murderers, they're put in prison, right? Or that whole theory that, you know, karma and what goes around comes around and all that bullshit will make your life better.

So what the hell? Where is the truth my friends? WHAT is the truth? Does this truth exist?
Where is my good luck, my big break, my winning streak? Where are my "A+"s and where is my beautiful boyfriend? Where are the friends who aren't so iffy? Why can't I find the things I want?

If you find my things, please let me know. If I find the things you want, I'll let you know too.

Okay, this was a mildly rando post for the middle of the day, but still. I figured you should hear my whiney crap. After all, thats all a blog is.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Life Lesson: Glue to hold your smushed self together


I'm coming to you now from my big yellow bed. I'm sitting criss-cross applesauce with my hair pulled into a neat, straight, ponytail. But my composure now is misleading.

Today was the worst day of my whole life.

Now, I realize that phrase is over used. BUT THERE IS A REASON THAT PEOPLE SAY THIS. I learned that lesson today.

I have never had a day even close to this. I mean, like, I have had "off days" but today was of epic-proportions.

But hold up: REWIND

I wish I could tell all of you what happened to me today. But, I can't. All these things that happened involve private matters and emotions that aren't suitable for a blog. Jesus Christ, I am sorry. If I could tell everyone I would, but I don't need the people I would mention harassing me. But I can tell you; it involves losing friends, a crazy workplace, and sore legs and arms.

I'm not writing this post to dwell on my horrific day, but to tell all the people reading this something.

There is always an "end of the day". I live each day without knowing what the fuck I'm doing or where I'm going. Did you know that? No. I bet not. It’s true.

Sometimes when I'm living my life, the rug of comfort is pulled from beneath my feet and the Anti-Christ punches me in the face and laughs as I'm doubled over on the floor.

That’s so true. It happened to me today. It was awful. It was like being hit with a tire iron while you watch your grandmother get smushed by a bus. It was slow-mo disaster. One thing after another just kept hitting me. Disaster was like "Hey, are you Matty?" and I was like "Yeah, what’s up?" and he was like "Haha, get ready to be disappointed in your life!”

I came home today and cried and screamed and cried and screamed. Which was appropriate, by the way, and then I stopped. I didn’t need to cry anymore. What is done is done. C’est la vie my friends, c’est la vie.

Its not the years in the life, it’s the life in the years, okay? I got punched in the face, hit with a tire iron, watched my granny get smashed up by a bus and received a call from Disaster. But I’m alive, right? Right.

I struggled today with my faith in God and the faith I have in myself. (by the way, I’m not a Jesus freak, but I do believe in God, just not the bible…and I’m a Democrat…) I hate not being able to believe in myself. Suffering from lack of self-confidence is a horrible feeling and it shows in so many ways.

But I learned another lesson today too. That I need to just glue my broken pieces together again. That’s life. That’s peeling yourself off of the cement when you get run down. So, I have officially peeled myself off the cement of October 3rd, 2009.

Hoo-rah, hoo-rah.

P.S. If you’re looking for a nice project, help a friend find her pieces and go out and get her some glue. She would like that.